I Was a Poet Once

Because I mentioned it.

"Ode to Hash"

Ere the break of dawn we came
Upon a place so warm and cheery.
Fort Lou's was this restaurant's name
A beacon in a night so dreary.

Embattled and inebriated
Grouped together with ravenous lust
The waitress was not castigated
In her greasy fare we placed our trust.

To each of us was given one
Of the menus; quite comprehensive.
They foretold gustatory fun
So many foods; we were right pensive.

For her, some eggs; for him, some bacon.
I sat and pondered my digestive fate.
Thank goodness we did not bring Sakin,
His company is not that great.

At last, my eyes did set upon
A glorious dish which I could eat.
Hold on a minute; I must visit the John
And sit upon that porcelain seat.

Back to the table I came with speed,
Still fumbling with my beltlike sash.
No longer could I postpone my need;
I ordered up Poached Eggs and Hash!

Awaiting the arrival of said vittles,
Fraught with anguish I became.
Where is my food? I can't dine on Skittles-
Oh wait...Praise God! It finally came!

Before me the waitress set a mountain
Of provender of regal state.
From my eyes there gushed a fountain;
Tears of joy for such a plate!

Imagine, resting on a platter,
An enormous mound of gourmet hash.
Although such grub doth make me fatter,
Remove it and I'll give you the lash!

Upon the meat (onions mixed in)
Were set two orbs of perfect form.
Twin eggs poached - what esculent sin!
Such late-night victuals are hardly the norm.

Poached eggs are the best compliment
To a hash: hearty, beefy and bold.
A gourmand's favorite aliment,
Its gastric appeal never grows old.

One taste of this edible bliss
Surpasses even a petit mort
I would forego a maiden's kiss
As long as I get more, more, more!

I sincerely hope I have related
My yearning for this fabled fodder.
And for the record it should be stated,
"Man X" soiled a hot Cape Codder.

Now off to Lou's ere break of dawn
After we get our boozing on!

Belated Food Items

A) Very belated props to Dunndee for cooking up some tremazing omelettes the morning after the 4th Annual St. Patty's Day Meat 'n' Meet. There's nothing better than waking up on your couch after having ingested unconscionable amounts of boiled beef, cabbage, and Guinness and having a cheese omelette and a steaming mug of coffee appear in your lap. Who would've thought the kid who singlehandedly brought in record profits for the Peggy Lawton cookie company back in '95-'98 would turn into a single-star chef? (That's an MRhé star, not Michelin.) 10 points.

B) Props to Foonyor "Dr. Poached" Barzane for giving me tips on how to poach eggs. 10 points. Poached eggs are my favorite way to have eggs - I always order them if possible. Poached eggs on hash are a religious experience. In fact I wrote an ode about this very dish a while back. I've never tried making them because I always thought it involved arcane culinary secrets and alchemical equipment; much like my fear of cooking shellfish had been. But I discovered that upon trying it, it is actually quite easy to make perfect, delicious poached eggs.

My method, with a nod to Porkins:

1. Boil water in a small pot
2. Once water is boiling, turn off heat. Keep an eye on the water - once the bubbles become minimal then you can move on to the next step. You want to have the water very hot but not bubbling because you don't want the movement to break up the eggs when you add them.
3. Carefully add the eggs one at a time. I think the key here is to have a good "egg cup." I have these little glass dishes that I use to hold ingredients (like the TV chefs use) that are the perfect size for one egg. I actually put the dish in the water and just tilt it so that the egg slides right in. You can do as many as will fit on the bottom of the pot without dropping them into one another.
4. Let the eggs hang out for a few minutes. You'll find out how long works best depending on how runny you like the yolk.
5. I've been using a strainer to remove the eggs. Carefully pour the water and eggs into a strainer and then transfer to plate, toast, bagel, etc. This allows me to get all the egg. I've tried using a slotted spoon but found that I lost bits of egg and the eggs kept more moisture. I've also tried blotting off some of the excess water with a towel but found that egg stuck that way.
   
6. I've heard about adding vinegar but I haven't used it.
   

C) The first time I made poached eggs it was over red flannel hash - made from the leftovers from the boiled corned beef & cabbage dinner. This hash is reason enough to make the dinner - truly unbelievable. Aside from the actual fresh boiled corned beef (unlike that canned Hormel crap they often serve at low-rent greasy spoons) the mixture of veggies gives it an amazing taste. A couple of perfect poached on top and you're in heaven. Heaven.

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Now 45's cooking up fish in his dishwasher; JCB's making Hollandaise sauce - I'm going to have to step up my game if I'm going to retain my self-appointed title of Resident Chef of the Triumvirate...might have to do up a tête de veau or a soufflé or something soon.